The Grieving Process

You’ve lost something real. The ability to eat without thinking. The spontaneity of grabbing any food. The foods you loved. The ease you once had.

Celiac disease involves grief. Acknowledging that helps you move through it.

What You’re Grieving

Specific Foods

The list is personal:

• Fresh bread from your favorite bakery
• Your grandmother’s pie
• Pizza from that one place
• The birthday cake tradition
• Whatever you loved most

These aren’t just foods. They’re memories, connections, comfort.

The Life Before

Beyond specific foods:

• Eating without scrutiny
• Spontaneous food decisions
• Not being “that person” with dietary needs
• The freedom of carelessness
• Social ease around food

The Version of You

Sometimes grief is about identity:

• The person who could eat anything
• The low-maintenance one
• The one without chronic illness
• The one who didn’t have to think about this

That person is gone. You’re someone new now.

The Stages (Sort Of)

The Kübler-Ross stages of grief weren’t designed for chronic illness, but elements ring true:

Denial

“Maybe it’s not that bad.” “Maybe I can cheat sometimes.” “Maybe the diagnosis was wrong.”

Denial is a temporary shelter. It can’t last.

Anger

“This isn’t fair.” “Why me?” “I hate this.”

Anger at the disease, at your body, at a world full of gluten, maybe at God. It’s valid.

Bargaining

“If I’m really careful, maybe I can have just a little…” “Maybe if I take enzymes…” “Maybe if I pray hard enough…”

Bargaining looks for loopholes. Celiac doesn’t have any.

Depression

“This is my life now.” “Everything is harder.” “I don’t want to deal with this.”

The weight of it settles. This stage needs acknowledgment, not rushing through.

Acceptance

Not “I’m glad I have celiac.” More like “This is real. I can live with it.”

Acceptance is the destination, but the path isn’t linear.

Non-Linear Grief

You don’t move through stages neatly:

• You might feel acceptance, then anger returns
• A food memory might trigger fresh grief
• A social situation might bring back the loss

This is normal. Grief cycles back. Each time, you integrate a bit more.

Complicated Grief

Sometimes grief gets stuck:

• You can’t move past anger
• Depression doesn’t lift
• You can’t accept the diagnosis even after months

If grief is interfering with functioning, consider professional help. Chronic illness grief is real and therapists can help.

What Helps

Let Yourself Feel It

Don’t push past grief before you’ve felt it:

• Cry if you need to
• Express anger safely
• Acknowledge the loss
• Don’t perform wellness you don’t feel

Name Specific Losses

Get concrete:

• “I’m grieving my mom’s apple pie.”
• “I’m grieving easy restaurant meals.”
• “I’m grieving not having to explain myself.”

Specific grief is easier to process than vague grief.

Create Rituals

Some people find rituals helpful:

• A final meal with a loved food (before you knew?)
• A symbolic goodbye
• A journal entry about what you’re losing

These mark the loss formally.

Find Substitutes (When Ready)

Not replacements, nothing replaces what you lost. But:

• GF versions of some favorites
• New foods to love
• Different traditions that work

This comes later, not while you’re actively grieving.

Connect with Others

Other celiacs understand:

• Support groups
• Online communities
• Friends who’ve been there

Shared grief is lighter.

Give It Time

Grief has its own timeline:

• The first months are hardest
• The first year involves many “firsts” without gluten
• It does get easier, even if it doesn’t feel like it will

The Ongoing Nature

Grief isn’t fully “done.” Years later:

• A food memory might trigger sadness
• A social situation might bring back frustration
• A holiday might remind you of loss

This is normal. It doesn’t mean you haven’t healed. It means this was real and it still matters.

When Grief Becomes Growth

Eventually, for most people:

• Acceptance deepens
• New normals form
• Positives emerge (health, awareness, community)
• The loss integrates into your story

This doesn’t make the loss “worth it.” It means you’ve incorporated it.

A Prayer for Grieving

Lord, I’m grieving things that might seem small to others. Food. A way of life. A simpler existence.

But it’s not small to me. I’ve lost something real.

Let me grieve without judgment. Let me feel this loss before I have to make peace with it.

Be with me in the sadness. Don’t rush me through it.

And when I’m ready, not before, help me find what’s next.

Amen.

You Will Get Through This

Grief feels endless when you’re in it. But people do move through:

• You’ll find foods you love
• You’ll build new routines
• You’ll have good days, then more of them
• The weight will lift

The loss is real. So is what comes after.

Hold both. You’re doing something hard. Give yourself grace for it.