Telling Your Family: Scripts and Strategies

At some point, you have to tell people. Your spouse. Your parents. Your siblings. Your kids. Maybe your extended family.

Each conversation is different. Here’s how to approach them.

Telling Your Spouse or Partner

If you live together, your partner’s life changes too. They need to know not just the diagnosis, but what it means for shared meals, the kitchen, eating out.

What to say:

“I got my diagnosis, it’s celiac disease. That means I can’t eat gluten at all anymore. It’s going to change some things about how we cook and eat. I wanted to talk through what that means for us.”

Key points to cover:

• This isn’t a choice or a fad; it’s a medical necessity
• The kitchen will need some changes (share what you’re thinking)
• Eating out will be more complicated
• You need their support, even when it’s inconvenient

Common reactions:

• Supportive: “Whatever you need. We’ll figure it out.”
• Overwhelmed: “This is a lot to take in.”
• Skeptical: “Are you sure? Maybe it’s just a sensitivity.”

Be patient with reactions that aren’t immediately perfect. Your partner needs to process too.

Telling Your Parents

Parents often have complicated reactions. Guilt (did we cause this?). Denial (doctors are wrong sometimes). Over-helpfulness (I’ll make everything gluten-free!). Under-helpfulness (a little won’t hurt).

What to say:

“Mom/Dad, I found out I have celiac disease. It’s an autoimmune condition, my body attacks itself when I eat gluten. It’s genetic, so it’s not anyone’s fault. I need to be completely gluten-free now, and that’s going to change some things.”

What to expect:

• They might feel guilty, especially if there’s family history
• They might minimize it (“I’m sure it’s not that serious”)
• They might need time to learn (be patient with repeated questions)
• They might try to help in ways that aren’t helpful

Setting boundaries:

“I know you’re trying to help, but I really can’t have that. Even a little bit makes me sick. Can I tell you what works for me instead?”

Telling Your Siblings

Sibling conversations vary wildly depending on your relationship. Some siblings are immediately supportive; others are dismissive or competitive.

What to say:

“Hey, just wanted to let you know I was diagnosed with celiac disease. It’s the autoimmune thing where I can’t eat gluten. I know it’s one of those things you’ve probably heard people joke about, but it’s real and it’s permanent.”

If they’re dismissive:

“I get that it sounds trendy. But this isn’t a preference, it’s a medical diagnosis. If you have questions, I’m happy to explain, but I need you to take it seriously.”

If they’re interested in their own risk: Celiac is genetic. First-degree relatives have higher risk. It’s not unreasonable for them to get tested. You can say:

“Actually, you might want to get tested yourself, it runs in families. I’ll send you some info if you want.”

Telling Your Kids

How you explain depends on age. Here’s a rough guide:

Toddlers (2-4):

“Mommy/Daddy has a tummy problem. Some foods make my tummy hurt. So I eat different food sometimes, and that’s okay.”

Young kids (5-8):

“I have something called celiac disease. It means my body gets sick if I eat a certain thing in food called gluten. It’s in bread and pasta and some other things. So I have to eat special food now. It’s not contagious, you won’t catch it, but I have to be careful.”

Older kids (9-12):

“I was diagnosed with celiac disease. It’s an autoimmune condition, my immune system attacks my own body when I eat gluten. I need to be completely gluten-free now. Some things will change at home, and I might need to bring my own food places sometimes.”

Teens:

“So I have celiac disease. Turns out that’s why I’ve been feeling [symptoms]. I can’t eat gluten anymore, at all, and it’s going to make some things more complicated. You don’t have to change what you eat, but I wanted you to know what’s going on with me.”

Across all ages:

• Reassure them it’s not their fault
• Let them ask questions
• Model a non-dramatic attitude (they take cues from you)
• If there’s concern they might have it, discuss testing with your doctor

Telling Extended Family

Aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins. The tricky part is these conversations often happen around food, holidays, gatherings, potlucks.

At a gathering:

“Just wanted to let you know, I was recently diagnosed with celiac disease. I can’t eat gluten, so I’ll be bringing my own food [or eating before, or checking ingredients carefully]. I’m not trying to be difficult, it’s just what I need to do now.”

Dealing with common responses:

“A little won’t hurt.”

“Actually, for celiac, even a tiny amount causes damage. It’s not like a preference, it’s an autoimmune reaction.”

“I made this just for you, it’s gluten-free!”

If you trust their kitchen and process: “Thank you so much!” If you’re uncertain: “That’s really thoughtful. Can I ask what’s in it, just so I can double-check?”

“You can’t have ANYTHING?”

“There’s actually a lot I can eat, meat, vegetables, fruit, rice, potatoes, lots of things. It’s mainly wheat, barley, and rye I have to avoid.”

“Isn’t that one of those fake things?”

“It’s actually a diagnosable autoimmune disease. I’ve had blood tests and [if applicable] a biopsy. It’s more common than people think.”

When They Don’t Get It

Some people won’t understand, no matter how clearly you explain. They might:

• Keep offering you food you can’t eat
• Make jokes about your diet
• Downplay your needs
• Get offended when you don’t eat their cooking

Setting boundaries:

“I’ve explained this a few times, but I need you to take my celiac disease seriously. It’s a real medical condition, and I’m not going to risk my health to be polite.”

“I know you think I’m being overdramatic, but I’m not. I can’t eat that. Please stop offering.”

“If you can’t accommodate my dietary needs, I’ll bring my own food. But I need you to stop giving me a hard time about it.”

Sometimes you have to accept that some family members won’t get it. You can’t control their understanding. You can only control your boundaries.

A Script for the Most Common Question

“So wait, what CAN you eat?”

“More than you’d think! Meat, fish, eggs, cheese, vegetables, fruit, rice, potatoes, corn, beans, nuts… basically whole foods. I can also get gluten-free versions of bread, pasta, cereal, and most things. It’s just wheat, barley, and rye I have to avoid, but they’re hidden in a lot of processed food, so I have to check labels.”

This usually reassures people that you’re not going to starve.

Grace for Imperfect Responses

Telling family is hard because their reactions matter to you. You want them to understand, to care, to make it easier.

Sometimes they will. Sometimes they won’t.

Give them time. Repeat the important information. Set boundaries when you need to. And remember: their understanding isn’t required for you to manage your health.

You can love someone and also decline to eat their cross-contaminated casserole.

Both things can be true.