Grandparents Who Keep Forgetting

Grandparents mean well. They adore your kids. They want to spoil them, feed them, make them happy.

And they keep forgetting about the celiac disease.

Another cracker handed to your child. Another “just this once.” Another visit where you find they’ve been eating regular cookies.

It’s maddening. It’s scary. And it threatens to damage relationships you value.

Here’s how I’ve tried to navigate it.

Why They Forget

Understanding helps with patience:

Generational difference: Food allergies and celiac disease weren’t as diagnosed in their generation. It doesn’t feel “real” to them.

Nostalgia: They want to share the same foods they fed you. The rejection of grandma’s cookies feels personal.

Denial: Accepting their grandchild has a chronic illness is hard. Forgetting is easier than accepting.

Cognitive decline: Sometimes, especially with older grandparents, they literally can’t retain new information as well.

Inconvenience: Accommodating dietary restrictions is hard. It’s easier to hope it’s “not that serious.”

None of these are good excuses. But they explain the behavior.

The Safety Conversation

This needs to happen directly, clearly, and possibly more than once.

The Core Message

“This is not a preference. This is a medical condition. When [child] eats gluten, it damages their intestines. Even a small amount. Even once. We need you to take this as seriously as you’d take a peanut allergy.”

Key Points to Make

• The damage happens even without visible symptoms
• “Just once” causes real harm
• You’re not being overprotective
• This is your child’s doctor’s guidance, not just your opinion
• You need their help to keep your child safe

Tone

Firm, but not attacking. You want them as allies, not enemies. Assume good intentions while requiring better behavior.

Practical Solutions

Provide the Food

Don’t ask them to shop for GF food. They’ll get it wrong. Bring or send:

• GF snacks your child likes
• GF versions of grandparent favorites (cookies, crackers)
• Clear instructions on what’s safe

Make it easy for them to succeed.

Create a “Safe Drawer”

Ask if you can stock a drawer or cabinet at their house with safe foods. Replenish it regularly. Train them to reach for that drawer, not the regular pantry.

GF Cooking Lessons

Offer to cook with them. Show them:

• What GF means
• How to read labels
• What cross-contamination looks like
• Simple GF swaps for their favorites

Make it collaborative, not critical.

Visual Reminders

For grandparents who truly forget:

• A sign on the pantry: “[Child’s name] can’t eat these foods”
• A note on the fridge with safe/unsafe lists
• Labels on the GF snacks: “Safe for [child]“

Supervised Visits

If you can’t trust them, you supervise. This isn’t ideal for anyone, but:

• You’re there to catch mistakes before they happen
• You’re modeling correct behavior
• Your child is safe

It’s not permanent, just until they demonstrate understanding.

If They Keep “Forgetting”

At some point, repeated “forgetting” becomes disregard. If they:

• Keep offering unsafe food after multiple conversations
• Sneak food to your child (“our little secret”)
• Dismiss your concerns as overprotective
• Get angry when you enforce boundaries

Then you have a boundary problem, not a memory problem.

Escalating Consequences

First offense: Re-explain, assume good intentions.

Second offense: Serious conversation about the pattern.

Third offense: Limited unsupervised access.

Continued offenses: No unsupervised access until you see real change.

This is hard. It may create conflict. But your child’s health isn’t negotiable.

The Manipulation Problem

Some grandparents will try to undermine your authority:

“Your parents are too strict. One cookie won’t hurt.”

“Don’t tell your mom.”

This is not okay. It teaches your child:

• That their health condition isn’t serious
• That it’s okay to hide things from parents
• That grandparents’ desires outweigh medical needs

If this is happening, you need a serious conversation about respect for parenting decisions, not just about celiac.

When They Just Can’t Learn

Some grandparents, especially those with cognitive decline, may genuinely be unable to retain the information.

In these cases:

• Supervised visits only
• You handle all food yourself
• Focus on non-food activities with grandparents
• Accept the limitation while protecting your child

It’s sad. It’s not their fault. But your child’s health still comes first.

Balancing Relationships and Safety

You want your child to have a relationship with grandparents. You also need your child to be safe. These sometimes conflict.

What helps:

Focus on non-food bonding: Activities, games, outings where food isn’t central.

Acknowledge their efforts: When they get it right, praise them. Positive reinforcement works.

Be the bigger person: They may not handle this gracefully. You can still try to.

Keep perspective: Most grandparents eventually adapt. Give them time while maintaining boundaries.

What to Tell Your Child

As your child gets older, they need to understand:

“Grandma loves you very much, but she sometimes forgets about your celiac disease. You need to check with me or dad before eating anything at grandma’s house, even if she says it’s okay.”

This isn’t turning your child against grandparents. It’s teaching them to advocate for themselves.

A Prayer for Patience

Lord, give me patience with people who love my child but don’t understand their needs.

Help me speak truth without anger. Help me protect without isolating. Help me maintain relationships while maintaining safety.

Soften their hearts to understand. Open their minds to learn. Give them the grace to change.

And if they can’t, give me wisdom to do what’s necessary with love.

Amen.

The Long View

Most grandparents eventually get it. The ones who love your child will adapt because they want to keep seeing them.

Give them time. Give them education. Give them chances.

But don’t give them your child’s health.