Friends Who Get It (And How to Find Them)

Some friends just get it. They remember you can’t eat the appetizer. They suggest restaurants they know work for you. They don’t make you feel like a burden.

These friends are gold. Here’s how to find and keep them.

What “Getting It” Looks Like

They Remember

Without you having to remind them:

• They know you have celiac
• They remember what you can’t eat
• They factor it into plans

They Accommodate Without Drama

• “I found this restaurant with good GF options”
• “I’ll make a dish you can eat at the potluck”
• “Let me know if this works for you”

No big deal. Just thoughtful.

They Don’t Make It About Themselves

• They don’t complain about the inconvenience
• They don’t act like martyrs for accommodating you
• They just… help

They Ask, Not Assume

• “Can you eat here?”
• “What would work for you?”
• “Want me to find out about their GF options?”

They involve you without burdening you.

They Advocate

When you’re not there:

• “We need somewhere that works for [your name]”
• “She can’t eat that, she has celiac”
• “Let me check if this is GF”

They have your back.

Finding These Friends

Within Existing Friendships

Some existing friends become better with time:

• As they learn more about celiac
• As they see you dealing with it
• As they understand its permanence

Give friends a chance to grow into understanding.

In the Celiac Community

Other celiacs inherently get it:

• Support groups
• Online communities
• Celiac events
• Friends of friends with celiac

These connections have built-in understanding.

Through Food

Ironically:

• Cooking together (GF cooking)
• Food-sharing with GF dishes
• Hosting where you control the food

Food can build friendships even when food is complicated.

Shared Interests Beyond Food

Find friends through:

• Activities that don’t center on food
• Hobbies, sports, faith communities
• Professional connections
• Interests where food is secondary

The best friendships aren’t primarily about eating together anyway.

Cultivating These Friendships

Be a Good Friend Back

Friendship is reciprocal:

• Remember their needs and preferences
• Show up for them
• Don’t let celiac be the only thing you talk about

Educate When Appropriate

Help them understand:

• Brief explanation of celiac (once)
• Why certain things matter
• Specific guidance if they’re cooking for you
• Appreciation when they get it right

Make It Easy

Help friends help you:

• Suggest restaurants you know work
• Offer to bring your own food
• Don’t require perfection
• Appreciate effort even when imperfect

Appreciate Them

When friends accommodate you:

• Notice it
• Thank them
• Let them know it matters

Positive reinforcement builds the friendship.

When Friends Don’t Get It

The Unintentionally Clueless

Some friends mean well but:

• Keep forgetting
• Don’t understand severity
• Make mistakes

Response: Patient re-education, accepting imperfection, protecting yourself when needed.

The Resistant

Some friends don’t want to accommodate:

• Act inconvenienced
• Minimize your condition
• Refuse to adjust plans

Response: Lower expectations, don’t depend on them for food situations, reconsider the friendship if it’s a pattern.

The Actively Dismissive

Some friends are harmful:

• Mock your diet
• Pressure you to eat gluten
• Call you dramatic

Response: Distance yourself. This isn’t friendship.

The Quality Over Quantity Principle

Better to have:

• A few friends who truly understand
• Than many friends who don’t

Celiac naturally filters friendships. Let it.

Maintaining Friendships Through Celiac

Don’t Disappear

It’s tempting to avoid social situations involving food. But:

• You can attend without eating
• You can suggest alternatives
• You can bring your own food

Don’t let celiac isolate you from people you love.

Keep Proposing Non-Food Hangouts

• Coffee (easy to order safely)
• Walks and outdoor activities
• Movies, games, activities
• Events where food isn’t central

Prove that friendship doesn’t require eating together.

Be Honest About Hard Days

With close friends:

• “Today the celiac stuff is getting to me”
• “I need to vent about this”
• “Can we do something that doesn’t involve food?”

Let them support you.

The Celiac Best Friend

If you’re lucky, you’ll find friends who:

• Truly understand
• Never make you feel bad
• Actively accommodate
• Treat it as just part of who you are

These friends are rare and precious. Invest in them.

A Prayer for Friendship

Lord, friendship feels different now.

Some people get it. Some don’t. Some have surprised me with their kindness.

Thank You for the friends who understand. Bless them for their patience and accommodation.

Help me be a good friend despite my limitations. Help me not withdraw, not hide, not let celiac become an excuse for isolation.

Bring me the friends I need. Help me be the friend others need.

Amen.

You’re Still Worth Knowing

Celiac doesn’t make you a worse friend. You just have one more thing to navigate.

The friends who stick around, who adapt, accommodate, understand, are showing you who they are. They’re choosing your friendship despite a minor inconvenience.

Those are the friends worth keeping. Invest there.