Dining Safely at Friends' Homes

A dinner invitation should be exciting, not anxiety-inducing. But when you have celiac disease, eating food someone else prepared requires navigation.

Here’s how to handle it with grace.

The Conversation Before

Tell Them Before the Event

As soon as you’re invited, let them know:

“I’d love to come! I should mention that I have celiac disease, so I need to eat gluten-free. Is that something you could accommodate, or should I bring my own food?”

Why early:

• Gives them time to plan
• Shows respect for their effort
• Prevents awkward moments at dinner

What to Explain

They’ll need to know:

The basics:

• No wheat, barley, rye (including in sauces, seasonings, etc.)
• Cross-contamination matters, the same cutting board used for bread isn’t safe for my food
• It’s a medical condition, not a preference

What helps:

• Plain grilled or roasted protein is usually safe
• Rice, potatoes, vegetables are naturally GF
• Store-bought products labeled GF are safe

Gauge Their Response

If they’re enthusiastic: “I’d love to cook for you! Let me research recipes.” Great, give them resources and check in on their plan.

If they’re willing but unsure: “I’ll try, but I’m not sure what to make.” Offer specific suggestions or offer to bring a dish.

If they’re overwhelmed: “That sounds really complicated.” Offer to bring your own meal. Don’t pressure them.

If they minimize it: “I’m sure a little won’t hurt.” Explain more clearly. If they don’t get it, protect yourself.

Offering to Help

Options to Offer

Bring a dish to share: “Can I bring a GF main dish? That way I know there’s something I can eat, and everyone can try it.”

Provide a recipe: “Here’s a really simple GF recipe if you’d like to try it.”

Cook together: “Could I come early and help cook? I can show you what works for me.”

Bring your own meal: “Would it be okay if I just bring my own dinner? I don’t want you to have to worry about it.”

Most hosts prefer feeling helpful. Give them a path to succeed.

What to Bring

If you’re bringing food:

• A full meal for yourself (don’t rely on their sides being safe)
• Something to share so you’re not just eating your own separate food
• Your meal in clear containers (shows it’s obviously yours)

At the Dinner

Arrival

If they cooked for you:

• Thank them for their effort
• Ask casually about what’s in things: “This looks great! Can you remind me what’s in the sauce?”
• Watch for red flags (see below)

Red Flags to Watch For

They cooked on contaminated surfaces: “I used the same cutting board, but I washed it.”

Unknown sauces or seasonings: “I just used the regular soy sauce” or “I’m not sure what’s in the seasoning blend.”

Last-minute changes: “I was going to make rice, but we had pasta instead.” (May have been cooked in pasta water.)

Croutons removed: “There were croutons but I picked them off.”

What to Do With Red Flags

If something seems unsafe:

Don’t eat it. This is the only safe choice.

Be kind but firm: “I really appreciate the effort, but I can’t eat this because [reason]. It’s not your fault, celiac is so tricky. Let me eat what I brought.”

Redirect: “Can I have some of the rice and vegetables instead?”

Have backup: This is why you brought food.

Awkward Moments

If they’re offended: “I’m so sorry, I know you worked hard on this. It’s not a reflection of your cooking, just my medical condition.”

If you’re the only one eating differently: Make it as normal as possible. Eat at the table with everyone. Participate in conversation.

If others ask questions: Brief explanation: “I have celiac disease, it’s an autoimmune condition. I can’t eat anything with gluten.”

Building Patterns

With Close Friends

Over time, close friends learn:

• What you can and can’t eat
• How to cook for you
• What restaurants work for you

With close friends, the process gets easier. Initial education is an investment in easier future gatherings.

With New Friends

Every new friendship involves this education. It’s part of getting to know you. Don’t apologize for it.

Reciprocating

Invite people to your home:

• You control the food
• They see how you cook
• They experience a GF meal
• No logistics for you

Hosting is often easier than being hosted.

When to Just Eat at Home

Sometimes it’s not worth the stress:

• The host is minimizing your condition
• The environment is high-risk (potluck, unknown cooks, etc.)
• You’ve been glutened recently and can’t risk another exposure
• Your mental health needs a break from food vigilance

It’s okay to say:

“I’d love to see you, but I’m going to eat before I come. Can I join for dessert and conversation?”

Relationships don’t require shared food. Show up for the connection.

A Prayer for Dinner Parties

Lord, help me be gracious tonight.

Let me appreciate their effort even if I can’t eat what they made. Let me connect over conversation, not just food.

Give me words that explain without offending. Give me peace with whatever happens.

And let this be easier than I fear.

Amen.

It Gets Easier

The first few dinner invitations after diagnosis are nerve-wracking. But with practice:

• You develop your script
• Friends learn your needs
• You get better at reading situations
• The anxiety decreases

Go to dinners. See friends. The food is just one part of the experience.